What support is available for family carers?
Caring for a family member who needs support is tough going and often is a lonely part of life.
My family were lucky in that we shared the responsibility really well, when it came to caring for my mother in law throughout her cancer battle. My father in law was her rock and there to take the majority of it all on, me and my husband did loads of the hospital runs – there were so many! Bare in mind we lived in Colchester and she went to Addenbrookes in Cambridge. We took turns in taking night shifts when she was really ill, and she had good ol’ Aunty Barb and Aunty Bev there to support her on the phone when she needed a good two hour chat, daily! As a family, we laughed, we cried, we made the most of every day we had with her and fit in some amazing adventures when she was feeling brighter.
I wont sit and talk about my experience all day, it’s not that at all – it’s about what I learnt and what I continue to learn daily at work.
So lets look at what is available for you, whether you are in a short term position or long term carer role then you need to know you aren’t alone, even if it seems the world is on your shoulders.
Who's in your network?
You might not want to talk to people and that’s ok! But take a step back and think about your children or your siblings – would they want to know what you are really thinking and feeling. If you have any family, speak to them and explain that you may need some help. It might be a tough conversation, but it’s probably going to go far better than you are thinking.
A problem shared is a problem halved and whilst family members get busy, you won’t know unless you ask.
Equally, do you have any friends that could support you? Just making a meal or sitting with your loved one so you can recharge your batteries can help no end.
My point is, if you have people around you – ask for help. Peoples lives get busy and if they don’t know what’s going on with you – then they are less likely to offer.
Can you increase your network?
Look in the local area and see what support groups are there, you’ll soon find a group that would suit you – a group of like minded people who are in the same boat or maybe a group that is run by a local organisation. You might try and look at the boards in local shops, supermarkets often have community boards with flyers and details of organisations in your area. You’ll find that there are a lot of support options available in your local area if you keep your eyes open.
Thinking about where else you can get these resources, have a look in your local GP surgery – another hot spot for organisations to advertise support networks. Alot of surgeries are now rolling out Social Prescribers, so maybe see if your GP has one and get an appointment to discuss what options are available. These Social Prescribers usually know most of what is happening in the area and what support is available.
Look online at specific groups connected to your loved one, ie. Parkinsons UK, Macmillan Cancer Support, Dementia UK.
These organisations all have some fantastic resources available and they have helplines. Sometimes all you need is someone to chat things through with. As they are all charities they wont charge for their services (of course, if you wanted to donate they would appreciate!)
Professional Support
Hiring a carer. This is something that a lot of people are hesitant to do for a variety of reasons, you may have had to have carers in before and it didn’t go as you’d have hoped, you may want to do everything for your loved one yourself, you may not think it’s financially an option. So lets break it down into each of the barriers that might be stopping you from arranging carers.
You’ve had carers in before and it didn’t work out – completely valid reason! But just remember that not everyone likes shopping in Tesco, or going to the same salon – care companies are the same in that they aren’t all a good fit for everyone. Your previous experience may have been with a newly hired carer who wasn’t as experienced as you needed, you may have gone down the private carer route and been let down, you may have got a company that was going through changes in management and had a knock on effect on the care staff. But just because you didn’t get on at one salon, doesn’t mean you’ll never get your hair cut again! Meet with other agencies and explain why care didn’t work out before – find an agency that can put your mind at rest and find someone you all really gel with.
You may want to do everything for your loved one yourself – If I’ve heard this once, I’ve heard it a thousand times and you know what? I completely understand it! Your wife, husband, mum or dad looked after you for years and you want to make sure you look after them. But maybe think about it differently, if you need a tooth pulled out – would you ask a family member to do it? Or would you go to a professional Dentist? Bare in mind, that carers are trained to observe for signs and symptoms, they are trained in manual handling, safeguarding and probably at least 5-10 areas of care – contrary to historical beliefs, carers are highly trained professionals and the best people to rely on. I really believe that the golden years are for sharing stories and making memories with your elderly relative, and I’m sure you would rather save your energy and take them out for a coffee and a cake at the garden centre rather than exhausting yourself with washing, dressing, toileting and being there 24/7. Enjoy the fun side with your loved one and let a carer support you wherever you need it.
You may not think it’s financially an option – again completely understandable. There are more than one route to go down to get support – yes, you can pay privately for carers but if you meet the criteria then social services may also pay for the care that is needed. I’ll elaborate on money in the next section, as it can be a hurdle – but it is doable.
Where's the money coming from to help me?
It’s a big topic so I feel the finance deserves it’s own section.
Firstly, you could pay privately. Rates vary from agency to agency and it is worth looking around. I will do another blog on what to look for in a care agency another day but if you are reading this and are unsure then you are more than welcome to email me on angel@1oakcare.com
Another way to fund care is to look at what social care resources are available in your local area, if you aren’t sure who your local authority is exactly go to the gov.uk website and search “Find Local Council” and use the postcode of the person you are supporting. Each council will have a section on their website that covers adult social care.
I’ll use Suffolk County Council website as an example as they are my local authority and I know them well!
I will say, most local authorities are stretched really thin at the moment and they make take some time in getting to you and assessing your loved ones needs. So the earlier you get on radar the better.
Most local authorities will look at what care needs your loved one has and what finances your loved one has available – they will then look to decide if they need to pay for care, if they ask for a contribution towards care or if you have the funds to pay for care completely. If Social Services are paying for the care (or even part of the care) then they will then need to get it approved, so as you can imagine – this whole process is not always quick.
Have a think about what areas of daily life you struggle with the most and ask for support with these areas, write a list of questions that you would like a social worker to answer and if anything changes in your circumstances whilst you are waiting then call your local Adult Community Services and update them. If you are in crisis, then always call 111/999 in the first instance.
There are other options for paying for care, for example equity release – but I would recommend doing a lot of research into this.
If all else fails...
Drop me an email.
I will be happy to talk to you about what is happening and what else can be done.
I’ll pop my email below and you are welcome to email me anytime for advice, guidance and a listening ear.
